Old Sign Philosopher

Over the years, I have prominently displayed some whimsical and serious sayings to enlighten the thousands of drivers who pass by the garden center daily.  Some of the quotes are plagiarized, some are original, many are witty and others are downright funny.  I never attempt to be politically correct.  And I’m happy to say that I have humored thousands and offended few. 

Old Sign Philosopher at Greenscape Gardens

If you've heard a good, short quote and want your quote on the Marquee simply contact us.


Great landscapes available, some assembly required.

Gardening season starts today & ends December 31st.

Gardening Proves You Believe in Tomorrow

Gardeners are bed wetters

Gardening is prescription free medicine, with no dosage limits

Gardening…just another day at the plant

Gardening is 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration

Winter is Mother Nature’s Way of saying—Up Yours

A good snowfall makes your lawn look as good as your neighbor’s

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand

The waist is a terrible thing to manage

I’m in shape, round is a shape

If you have any problems, don’t hesitate to shut up

Happiness is good health & a bad memory

A Clear Conscience is a Sign of a Bad Memory

Without Winter, Spring would not be so pleasant

Tonight’s Forecast---Dark

Praise Works Wonders

One today is worth two tomorrows

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens

Marriage is commitment, so is insanity

The secret of youth…live honestly & lie about your age

Politicians & diapers both need to be changed frequently

Olympic judges & diapers have a lot in common (2/14/02 Olympic Ice Skating)

The harder you work the luckier you get

Free Mardi Gras Parking for 1 million cars—50 at a time please

Free Mardi Gras Parking—No shuttle service---Walk, its only 20 miles

A penny saved is a congressional oversight

Don’t count the days, make the days count

A kind word can warm 3 winter nights

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go

This nursery built with hard work, not free TIF money

Why don’t closed minds, come with closed mouths

The mighty oak was once a nut

Avoid strangers, introduce yourself

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt

If all is not lost, where is it?

Need exercise, plant a tree

In just 2 days tomorrow will be yesterday

A day without sunshine is like night

Love is grand, divorce is 100 grand

Hang up and drive safely

Don’t let your plants get down

Don’t let your plants get down like Bill & Jesse (ref Clinton & Jackson)

Wise men plant trees for the future

Have you hugged a tree lately

Support wildlife….Throw a Super Bowl Party

Our dogwoods have strong barks

Suburbia….Developers bulldoze the trees, then name streets after them

The shortest distance between 2 points is usually under repair

We’re located 1 mile west of the I-270 parking lot (rush hour traffic)

We’re located 1 mile south of Charlie’s house

We’re located ½ mile past the radar trap (cops didn’t think it was funny)

Brain cells come & go but fat cells stay forever

I’m not aging, I just need repotting

Our policy, always blame the computer

We don’t like to repeat gossip, so listen carefully

You know you’re getting older when your favorite TV program is the news

Life is too important to take seriously

Happiness is a large caring family, in another city

Genius has limitation, stupidity has none

Laugher is the shortest distance between 2 people

Crime does not pay….as well as politics

I improve on misquotations

Someday we’ll all quote our moms

Problem with political jokes is they get elected

Easy street is a blind alley

Maturity is a short break from adolescence

Artificial intelligence is no match to natural stupidity

90% of the politicians give a bad reputation to the other 10%

On this website in 1803, nothing happened

Time is precious, waste it wisely

Only God knows, how many apples are in a seed

The purpose of life is to fight maturity

Honk…if you love peace & quiet

Life is something, everybody should try once

Life’s a Garden, Dig It! (Movie Joe Dirt)

I don’t remember being absent minded

To err is human, to forgive infrequent

To err is human, or blame the computer

You’re unique, just like everybody else.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest

He who laughs last, is probably your boss

Don’t question authority, they don’t know either

Remember when cooties was the worst calamity

Compost happens

Today’s weather is politically incorrect

Vote early, Vote often (old saying which offended several)

A closed mouth gathers no foot

I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe

I live in my own little world, but its okay, they know me here!

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway

Help wanted, everyone here qualifies

We sell mulch, not overpriced gas

Some have photographic memory, others have no film

We’re easy to get a lawn with

Our business is growing

Shop early, avoid Christmas rush (03/24/04)

Sod today, lawn tomorrow

Nuke the bastards (09/11/01 I was really p***ed)

Coming soon, Baghdad urban renewal (03/18/03)

Procrastinate today, don’t put it off

For Sale Exercise Bike, like new barely used, ask for Chubby

I’m in shape—isn’t round a shape

WE'RE LOCATED 9/10 OF A MILE SOUTH OF THE PURPLE HOUSE--St. Louis classic from the old Rednour Nursery


My ship came in....but I was at the airport

Opinions are like belly buttons.....everybody has one

What if the HOKEY POKEY.....what its all about

SMILE.....Your personal welcome mat

Friends don't let friends.......garden naked

INDECISION.......May or May not be a problem

Housework done properly......reduces garden time

Its better to swallow words.......than to eat them later.

A bird in hand......can be messy.

Spring reality check....SLEET & SNOW (the first day of spring wake-up call 2006)

I exercise.......by pushing my luck

She exercises........by running her mouth

Hooked on fonix.....worcked four mee!

Today is the tomorrow, you worried about yesterday

Open 7 days a week......including weekends

Success is never forever & failure isn't fatal

Garbage in.....compost out

Plan to be spontaneous......tomorrow

Gardening.....the best alternative therapy

Always be sincere......even when you don't mean it


Life is complicated.....We simplify gardening

A friend in need.....is a friend to dodge

Tomorrow may come....it usually does

Family trees sometimes produces nuts!

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Start off everyday with a smile and get it over with

Our mums aren't pansies

A bad spel of wether

Drought relief......RAIN

Gardening is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration


Think more.....Talk less

Blues investors wanted....No experience needed.....Just more dollars than sense!

If you don't succeed at first......Skydiving isn't for you

We don't inherit the Earth from our parents. We only burrow it from our children.

I lose weight......but it keeps finding me again.....Chubby

Some are wise....some otherwise!!!!

Eating your words....never causes indigestion

If it ain't fixed......don't break it again

Nothing is certain.....except the past

Gardening is contagious!

Ever stop to think......and forgot to start again?

You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt

Gardening requires lots of water.....mostly perspiration

Income taxes makes more liars than golf

5 out of 4 gardeners.....shop at Greenscape Gardens.

We sell mulch.....not overpriced gas


Spring unlocks the flowers.....to paint the laughing soil

Parachute for sale....used once.....didn't open.....small red stain....ask for Chubby's widow

Time is the longest distance.....between two places

Sometimes its Monday........ALl WEEK

Life is too short....to take seriously


Thanks for looking to Greenscape Gardens to help you succeed!