THE OLD SIGN PHILOSOPHER

SANTA'S TRIAL

You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias St. Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:

** Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25
of each year as far back as records go.

** Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs
the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half
for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of
the Worker's Compensation Boards.

** Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments,
income tax deductions to the proper authorities
on behalf of your employees.

** You are accused of illegal entry of millions
on December 25th of each year.

** Failing to file a flight plan for your travels.

** Failing to equip your vehicle with seat belts or properly fitting
your reindeers with emission control devises.

** Not declaring as taxable income the cookies and milk
left for you by millions each year.

** Illegally competing with the Post Office, and possible breaking
of drug laws by administering an unauthorized drug to Rudolph to make his nose light up.

** and finally, parking in a no parking zone, namely rooftops, and having no record
of either a driver's or pilot's license EVER.

FACED WITH ALL THESE ACCUSATIONS AND UNDERSTANDING THEIR SEVERITY,
HAVE YOU ANY STATEMENT TO MAKE BEFORE I.........
WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS,
A HAPPY NEW YEAR,
AND DISMISS THESE CHARGES?

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